Got in my first car accident last week- sideswiped on the freeway while taking my little brother and sister to work. It was absolutely terrifying even though for all intents and purposes I got off easy. Nobody was hurt, damage was minimal, and the other driver pulled over and accepted full responsibility. My hands still shook for half an hour after I finally got my little siblings to school.
It’s weird talking about grown-up things with my big sister. She’s getting married next May, and the business of combining two lives is about as grown-up as it gets. I didn’t ever really want to grow up more than being old enough to shave my legs, but I didn’t have much of a say in that one. I’m going to be twenty soon and the prospect of abandoning my teenage years before I actually feel old enough to be in them is just daunting to me…especially considering that my life is in nowhere near the shape it should be for my age. Who set those guidelines, anyway?
One of my little cousins- a three year old with six year old twin siblings and a one year old baby brother- got sick, a preliminary diagnosis of leukemia, a rush hospitalization, and a final diagnosis of a simple infection all in less than a single week. It was a crazy emotional rollercoaster for me, and I can’t even fathom how much worse it had to have been for her parents. This past week has just been full of deep realizations regarding the fragility and ever-changing nature of life, hasn’t it?
We all grow up too fast. I remember when my biggest budgeting concern was whether or not I could afford to pay for a movie myself or if I was going to have to ask my parents. Now I spend almost my entire monthly paycheck on school, medical expenses and gas, with a little left over to save in hopes of moving out someday. Someday, I’m going to have children. I never want them to have to stop going to college because they can’t pay for it. But then, how many people had that same dream once?
How many dreams do we share- we, as a collective people, as a species of loving souls who identify ourselves by those very dreams?
I’m willing to bet it’s a lot.
I’m sorry there’s no real rhyme or reason to this post. It’s too early in the morning for me to be making much sense.