Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Scattered.

Got in my first car accident last week- sideswiped on the freeway while taking my little brother and sister to work. It was absolutely terrifying even though for all intents and purposes I got off easy. Nobody was hurt, damage was minimal, and the other driver pulled over and accepted full responsibility. My hands still shook for half an hour after I finally got my little siblings to school.
It’s weird talking about grown-up things with my big sister. She’s getting married next May, and the business of combining two lives is about as grown-up as it gets. I didn’t ever really want to grow up more than being old enough to shave my legs, but I didn’t have much of a say in that one. I’m going to be twenty soon and the prospect of abandoning my teenage years before I actually feel old enough to be in them is just daunting to me…especially considering that my life is in nowhere near the shape it should be for my age. Who set those guidelines, anyway?
One of my little cousins- a three year old with six year old twin siblings and a one year old baby brother- got sick, a preliminary diagnosis of leukemia, a rush hospitalization, and a final diagnosis of a simple infection all in less than a single week. It was a crazy emotional rollercoaster for me, and I can’t even fathom how much worse it had to have been for her parents. This past week has just been full of deep realizations regarding the fragility and ever-changing nature of life, hasn’t it?
We all grow up too fast. I remember when my biggest budgeting concern was whether or not I could afford to pay for a movie myself or if I was going to have to ask my parents. Now I spend almost my entire monthly paycheck on school, medical expenses and gas, with a little left over to save in hopes of moving out someday. Someday, I’m going to have children. I never want them to have to stop going to college because they can’t pay for it. But then, how many people had that same dream once?
How many dreams do we share- we, as a collective people, as a species of loving souls who identify ourselves by those very dreams?
I’m willing to bet it’s a lot.
I’m sorry there’s no real rhyme or reason to this post. It’s too early in the morning for me to be making much sense.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always…

My sweet baby brother turned sixteen today.
Clearly, he is not a baby. As a matter of fact, he’s 6’4”, with the terrifyingly man-like body of a water polo captain. But to me, he’s still baby brother.
The morning started off with our dad making a valiant effort at burning the house down. He left a burner on and went to church early, leaving us to discover the towel that had been quietly smoldering since his departure. It burst into flames in the middle of breakfast, inspiring us to break into rousing choruses of “Cumpleanos Fuego,” “Birthday Smoke,” and “Burn on Your Birthday” at random times throughout the day. It certainly added to the festivities.
I kidnapped Jason for most of the day. After church, we escaped the clutch of parental units and fled to my sweet sweet boyfriend’s house. As Jason so aptly observed, “It’s nice that they treat you like they actually want you around. I can see why you like going there so much.” From the mouths of babes…
After that, we cruised with some rockin’ tunes, and I took him shopping for some desperately needed new clothes, then out to dinner. My sweet little boy is growing into an exceptional young man, and I’m proud to be related to him. I love you Jay-Boooo!
~
On Friday I’m taking Kelsea for senior pictures. They’re a gift to her from me, and of course we’re having Scot Woodman take them :)
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Prince Charming came home from choir retreat today. His hair is short again, which always reminds me of the tufty hairstyle worn by the little bird in “Are You My Mother?” I used to call it baby bird hair. Now I just smile and say “tweet tweet” whenever his locks look particularly avian. They could build monuments to his patience with me…..
~
Back to the grind tomorrow. School at 6:30am, work at the Foundation, teaching iWorship at 4:30, then rehearsal from 7 til 10. Somewhere in there I have to get my oil changed and do my laundry. Being a grownup isn’t half as much fun as it sounds.
Except for when you get to go to Disneyland without a chaperone for the first time. It’s the ultimate in blissful freedom.
~
I spent approximately 80% of today in the company of one or both of my absolute favorite boys- though soon I shall have to apply the word “men” to both- on this planet. My heart has been warm all day and will accompany me softly into dreams. I never fail to fully appreciate those rare, rare times. Happy birthday to my baby brother, and welcome home to my love.
As long as I’m living…..

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Blossom on the tree.

I’m not really sure if you know how I feel, but I think I know how YOU feel.


I miss blogging a lot. In high school when I was way cooler than I gave myself credit for, I was an absolutely avid Xanga user. If you don’t remember Xanga, I’m sorry….it was awesome. I revisited mine for the first time since 2007 and uncovered the H-bomb of nostalgia. I did a lot of my best writing back then. Hopefully I haven’t lost my touch.
Joe asked, “Do you think you’re actually going to stick to blogging again?”
I have no idea. To quote the original emo kid:
“It’s such a stupid question, in my opinion. I mean how do you know what you’re going to do til you do it? The answer is, you don’t. I think I am, but how do I know? I swear it’s a stupid question.”
So many points for anyone to identify that.
Today I did homework and laundry. I’ve developed a newfound appreciation for the mundane. Work starts at 5:30 til 8 if I’m lucky and 10 if I’m not.
Maybe I’ll post again when I get home…


Also, blossom analogies really make me want to watch Mulan.
Don’t judge.